From my unpublished collection of poems, Boyhood from a Distance.....
Tribute
Growing up
there are many friends and
then some smaller number of
good friends and
then one best
friend
Mike Keefe was mine and
I was his
But Mike was mostly in the few-friends group because
of how he was put together
His face was mapped with freckles
Spiky red hair looked like
bubblegum was cut out of it by a mad mom
Ears didn't work right
so big button things in them
connected to
a cord dangling down
to a giant transmitter
in his shirt pocket and
the contraption fell
apart
when he ran
Words came out thick of tongue
or a little different
because he couldn't hear so well
All this
and you couldn't tell when he suffered
jokes and mocking because
he smiled when he couldn't hear and
he smiled when he was happy so
he smiled all the time
This early best friend
taught me
the value of looking deeper
into a person than looks
or quirks
To know and celebrate
deeper qualities
loyalty and humor
courage and forgiveness
smarts
There has been more to hold on over the years
from one best friend than my
teachers all put together
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
The Gift of Real Friends
Summertime brings occasions to celebrate true friends. We recently enjoyed a long lunchtime with our friends of 40 years--Nancy and Rick Boyd. What a good time it was, getting updates on our kids who grew up together and how perfect they are! And of course tales of the grandkids, all of whom carry forth the legacy of perfection. Over the years our families have been together during baptisms, graduations, weddings, funerals, big celebrations and quiet times together. Our times with long-time friends like the Boyds, Browns, and Graessers bring to mind and heart the gift of authentic friendship.
Authentic friendship is in contrast to today's number games regarding Facebook friends. An article in Forbes by Amit Chowdry cites a study that says most of your Facebook friends are not real friends. The study by Oxford University psychology professor Robin Dunbar. Chowdry states Dunbar studied 3,375 Facebook users between the ages of 18 and 65 in the UK. These users had an average of 150 friends, of which 4.1 were dependable and 13.6 expressed sympathy during an emotional crisis. The study states that younger users are likely to have more Facebook friends but older users tend to have more friends in real life.
This is not to disrespect Facebook friends, and there are many advantages to maintaining a network of social media contacts, but not to the exclusion of real friends who are true companions on our journey, a gift that becomes more valuable with each passing year.
As journalist Jon Katz stares, "Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful Stuff."
We came away from lunch realizing how important it is to nurture, celebrate, and give time to our real friends.
Authentic friendship is in contrast to today's number games regarding Facebook friends. An article in Forbes by Amit Chowdry cites a study that says most of your Facebook friends are not real friends. The study by Oxford University psychology professor Robin Dunbar. Chowdry states Dunbar studied 3,375 Facebook users between the ages of 18 and 65 in the UK. These users had an average of 150 friends, of which 4.1 were dependable and 13.6 expressed sympathy during an emotional crisis. The study states that younger users are likely to have more Facebook friends but older users tend to have more friends in real life.
This is not to disrespect Facebook friends, and there are many advantages to maintaining a network of social media contacts, but not to the exclusion of real friends who are true companions on our journey, a gift that becomes more valuable with each passing year.
As journalist Jon Katz stares, "Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful Stuff."
We came away from lunch realizing how important it is to nurture, celebrate, and give time to our real friends.
Thursday, August 11, 2016
The Gift of a New School Year
A thought as teachers and administrators gather for a New School Year....
Tell them they're lucky....
I would like to share a story about my son, Kevin. Our family was blessed to have our son, brother, and friend with us for sixteen years. When he was eleven he was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma, an aggressive cancer that wrapped around his spine. After surgery and five years of radiation and chemo...then hope, courage, perseverance, despair... and then peace, reconciliation, and joy, Kevin passed away. I will come back to his story in a moment.
One of the great gifts in education is the opportunity for renewal. There is a formal, often ceremonious end to one year sometime in June and then another beginning is marked sometime in August with meetings and wonderful ceremonies and traditions. The time between provides very special opportunities to take off the old and put on the new--ranging from teacher-student-parent-administrator energy and spirit to boiler repair and floor wax. Each new school year provides familiar--and yet somehow new--smells sights, sounds, hopes, aspirations, and intentions. This brings me back to Kevin.
I was serving as superintendent and about this time of the year was preparing for that new year. In the spirit of renewal and new beginnings, I worked hard to prepare some comments for the principals and teachers that would hopefully capture and build on the spirit of this moment given to us in the life of our schools. As I was leaving the house for the meeting I stopped by Kevin's room. He was now paralyzed from the waist down and confined to his bed or a chair that I would lift him into each day. We talked for a few minutes and as I was leaving I asked if there was anything I should say to the principals and teachers (I often sought his wisdom). Without hesitation he said, "Tell them they're lucky."
I was stopped short as these four simple words of wisdom, insight and challenge seared into my heart. They took on extra meaning coming from a young man who knew that we would soon pass from this life. The words were not spoken with a tone of anger, jealousy, or self-pity; instead, they echoed hope and promise that each new day, each new year brings to our lives. Whatever words I had prepared were never shared and are long forgotten. But each year thereafter, I shared Kevin's.
"Tell them they're lucky." Indeed we in schools are. We have life. And we have a new opportunity to come together as a community to share in the challenge, hope, and promise of another school year and to continue investing in the future of our children.
Peace and best wishes for this school year.
Tell them they're lucky....
I would like to share a story about my son, Kevin. Our family was blessed to have our son, brother, and friend with us for sixteen years. When he was eleven he was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma, an aggressive cancer that wrapped around his spine. After surgery and five years of radiation and chemo...then hope, courage, perseverance, despair... and then peace, reconciliation, and joy, Kevin passed away. I will come back to his story in a moment.
One of the great gifts in education is the opportunity for renewal. There is a formal, often ceremonious end to one year sometime in June and then another beginning is marked sometime in August with meetings and wonderful ceremonies and traditions. The time between provides very special opportunities to take off the old and put on the new--ranging from teacher-student-parent-administrator energy and spirit to boiler repair and floor wax. Each new school year provides familiar--and yet somehow new--smells sights, sounds, hopes, aspirations, and intentions. This brings me back to Kevin.
I was serving as superintendent and about this time of the year was preparing for that new year. In the spirit of renewal and new beginnings, I worked hard to prepare some comments for the principals and teachers that would hopefully capture and build on the spirit of this moment given to us in the life of our schools. As I was leaving the house for the meeting I stopped by Kevin's room. He was now paralyzed from the waist down and confined to his bed or a chair that I would lift him into each day. We talked for a few minutes and as I was leaving I asked if there was anything I should say to the principals and teachers (I often sought his wisdom). Without hesitation he said, "Tell them they're lucky."
I was stopped short as these four simple words of wisdom, insight and challenge seared into my heart. They took on extra meaning coming from a young man who knew that we would soon pass from this life. The words were not spoken with a tone of anger, jealousy, or self-pity; instead, they echoed hope and promise that each new day, each new year brings to our lives. Whatever words I had prepared were never shared and are long forgotten. But each year thereafter, I shared Kevin's.
"Tell them they're lucky." Indeed we in schools are. We have life. And we have a new opportunity to come together as a community to share in the challenge, hope, and promise of another school year and to continue investing in the future of our children.
Peace and best wishes for this school year.
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